rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
