He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
