Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
