At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
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