the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
