dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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