K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
