after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
