When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize