I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
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