So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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