She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
