Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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