OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Life is so much better after having sex.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
