either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
