did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
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