I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I'm at about main and main street
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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