we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize