When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
