so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
