I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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