I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
