walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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