I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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