He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
