you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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