remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
