I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Randomize
