Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
