Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I just pynch a tree in the face
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize