Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
