I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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