..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
