??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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