the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
There's always time for handjobs
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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