I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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