So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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