Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
