I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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