You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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