just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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