So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
