youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
