So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
