You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
We don't watch enough power rangers
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