Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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