Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
