i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
