why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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