The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
