it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
