Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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