Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
