I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
