do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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