Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
