Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
