just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
