I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
