guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
im six kinds of drunk right now
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
