so that wasnt chicken after all
Your dad touched me again.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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