none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
