I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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