no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
i think i just lost a toe
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
