to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
