1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
