I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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