i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize