I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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