took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
