omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize
