John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
