we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
