Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
