You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
