you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
the condom got lost in my hair
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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