Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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